VonIvy High School Winning Team|4. mayo 2021|college essay examples,Examples of Personal Statements
Here we have5 high qualityExamples of Personal Statementsmy students over the years. Great Common App personal statements generally provide insight into each student's life, thought processes, growth, and maturity.
Another trend you'll notice with these writing samples is that they're not strictly CAREER or ACADEMY based. It depends on the frame of mind you're aiming for, but the general rule of thumb is to look at these essays from the admissions officer's perspective.
In other words, it's NOT as simple as "showing your personality" in a personal statement. You might hear or read this somewhere, but seriously, don't listen. Your personality won't get you into the best school (unless you're trying to get into a party, if you're not on the guest list, that's another matter).
Think about it rationally: the job of an admissions officer is to assemble a group of excellent students at your university. As each application is read, an admissions expert thinks, “How will this student contribute to our school? What will this person bring to the table?”
So your personal explanation should help answer this question.
Supervision:oOfficial directions for materials of general application are posted here.
Remember, the word count is 650 words! And just FYI: college application essay titles are completely unnecessary. I included them in this post for easy reference.
Index
SAMPLE PERSONAL STATEMENT #1:
treasure hunt
SAMPLE PERSONAL STATEMENT #2:
Life Lessons From Crickets
SAMPLE PERSONAL STATEMENT #3:
antique lover
SAMPLE PERSONAL STATEMENT #4:
In-N-Out Burger Lessons
SAMPLE PERSONAL STATEMENT #5:
the tormented artist
Common use case for personal expressions #1
The lessons we learn from the obstacles we encounter can be critical to later success. Talk about a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you and what did you learn from the experience?
Sample Common Application Personal Statement #1: Treasure Hunt
Armed with a Tesoro metal detector, my dad and I hiked the 19-mile Dutch Trail as the 6 o'clock sun peeked behind the saguaro cacti that dotted the dusty desert landscape. As we climbed Superstition Mountain, I turned on the Treasure and balanced it on the bedrock, anxiously awaiting a screeching… the sound of metal!
During my sophomore year, [name], a friend of my father's, passed away, leaving behind boxes of curios he had left for my father. Digging through the boxes, I found [name]'s Treasure, a metal detector. An avid exploration enthusiast, [name] told me about the legend of the Lost Dutchman Mines, an 1890 gold mine said to be hidden in superstition.
In the boxes I was also able to find a leather case containing over 10 pounds of dusty old coins, bullet casings, BBs, items [Name] likely found during metal detecting. Romanticizing the Seeker lifestyle, I urged my father to convert me to superstition.
So we walked the muggy trail for almost 2 hours waiting for Tesora to point us to the treasure. BA-BA-BEEP! Heart pounding, I dug into the rock-hard earth and unearthed my first treasure: a crooked nail.
A few hours and a few squeaks later, I discovered more rusty nails and hinges. In the afternoon, with nothing to show for it, we headed down the canyon. Still, my dreams of discovering the Dutch mine forced me to drag my father through countless excavations; in one year we sold almost all 12 Superstitions tracks. Am I looking in the wrong places?
Finally, I returned to [Name's] leather bag. Upon closer inspection, I realized it wasn't a dusty old garbage bag, there were coins inside that I had never seen before. Cleaning up the mess, I found an 1870 coin with a Native American head instead of Lincoln; from 1951 to 1963 there were various Ben Franklin half dollars; two 1926 buffalo coins. I eagerly searched online forums for coin values and first purchased "The Redbook", the bible of numismatics.
For months I sat in my room, gently wiping [name]'s bag of coins with a damp towel and reading about the history of each coin, revealing a compelling American story.
Under my bed is a collection of coins. Some I acquired through "numismatic tours" in Arizona; others I metal detected every clue I could find; I got many more just by looking on the sidewalk and examining those coins that most people wouldn't pick up. A notable item in my collection is a Morgan silver dollar struck in Philadelphia in 1883 worth about $75; however, this same coin could be worth over $2,000 if minted in Carson City! This coinage is coveted because it was made from silver mined at the Comstock Lode, a historic mine that marked the first major discovery of silver in America!
I picked up a few pennies simply because the year of issue matters. For example, I have a penny from 1912, the year the Titanic sank. Last year I attended a coin collectors auction in San Diego and bought a 1943 steel coin to help the US save copper for ammunition during WWII.
Through metal detecting, we often find things we didn't expect: hidden gems. And now, instead of throwing them aside because they have no intrinsic value, I revel in what once was. A rusty old device I found along the way? I took it home and discovered that it could be a watch. There are many shells and I have learned to identify shotgun models by the shell stamp, some shells are almost 50 years old!
Being a numismatic has not only given me a new perspective on looking at American history, but also taught me to always be on the alert: you never know what nugget of learning (and history!) you might find.
Common usage example for personal expressions #2
Think of a time when you questioned or questioned a belief or idea. What made you think? Which it was the result?
Common Use Case for Personal Statement #2: Life Lessons from Crickets
"Welcome to the dungeon!" teased my mentor, [name], as the smell of moldy cornmeal filled my nostrils. The dungeon was no wider than a broom closet and twenty feet long, lit by a visible ceiling light. My eyes widened when I noticed giant spiders in rows of 15 gallon tanks. Some tanks contained glowing ground beetles scurrying about in their habitat of wilted cucumbers.
"Sometimes spiders escape, but don't worry, they're harmless," [Name] said, encouraging me to continue. THAT? Before she could answer correctly, she made a big gesture. "Ta-daaaa! Intense interrogation!
He carefully poured some of the gel into their tanks and clucked in an adorable way that most people would reserve for their dogs. Uhhh... how did I get here?
The [program] gave me the opportunity to do research at the [university]. Because of my interest in biology, I envisioned working in an innovative lab, knee-deep in cancer immunotherapy. So when I was hired to work with Dr. [Name], I couldn't help but be disappointed. He wanted to attract people: crickets were not the solution.
But once I started learning about [Name]'s crickets, I was hooked – their passion was contagious!
The more I studied crickets, the more their complexity fascinated me. I learned that only males sing to mate, and that temperature affects the frequency of the chirp: the higher the temperature, the faster the rate! Finally, I formulated my research question: I read studies indicating that females preferred males with more frequent and high-pitched chirps. What other factors affect frequency and pitch?
I returned to the dungeon to consult [name], who suggested that water intake would be an interesting variable to study. Then he dropped the bomb: “Find out WHY,” he urged, “WHY are you investigating this? HOW does this help the world?”
"Come on, those are just crickets!" I said laughing.
[Name] shook his head. "You need a WHY to convince scientists of the value of your work," she said.
Confused, I took the bus home. Why study Cricket's water intake? Looking for answers, I turned to the general purpose of the lab and came up with a topic: Scientists were studying the impact of the California drought on the ecosystem.
BINGO. With low water supplies, male song patterns would be affected and therefore mating frequency, which could lead to a decline in cricket populations. Since crickets are the main consumers, their disappearance would affect predators higher up the food chain and eventually humans.
Wow. A cricket can have domino effects in our ecosystem!
I set up an experimental setup and reluctantly convinced Petsmart staff to help me catch only the male crickets with my bare hands. In individual tanks, some crickets were treated without water, others with plenty. A microphone recorded the song of each cricket for 3 days. I collected gigabit data, analyzed the results, checked for errors, and repeated the experiment. Months of work resulted in a poster that I submitted to the [contest] that earned me [place]! Spoiler: Lack of water slows the chirp and lowers the pitch of the chirp, reducing a dehydrated cricket's ability to mate by twice!
Crickets have taught me more about the ecosystem, the scientific method, and about myself than I ever dreamed possible. Throughout my research, [Name]'s persistence has taught me to constantly question and ask WHY. The why gave me purpose and pushed me forward despite experimental failures. Finding the answer to why gave me the courage to contact another ecological biology lab to find ways to collaborate on studying ecoevolutionary dynamics, a new direction that could help predict when a population might go extinct. The clarity behind why gave me the confidence to step out of the lab and educate myself on legislation protecting our environment when I spoke with Board Member ___, an environmental legend whose office is campaigning for legislation to encourage business to use single-use compostable products. he completed an internship.
You can bet I'm still working the dungeons every Friday, helping [name] catch wild bugs and raising crickets to study their young.
Common usage example for personal expressions #3
Some students have such a significant background, identity, interest, or talent that they believe their application would not be complete without them. If this sounds like you, please share your story.
Common Application Personal Statement Example #3: Antique Enthusiast
"Come this weekend!" my friends sang as we waited for our rides.
I used to dread those benevolent invitations. I apologized many times: piano lessons, she would say.
So where did I go? My family's art and antiques gallery.
In eighth grade my father had something of a mid-life crisis and instead of buying a Ferrari he insisted on fulfilling his dream of opening an art and antiques gallery. So he literally dragged us across the states and swore [the city] was a hotbed of antiques.
In a community full of families whose parents seemed to have "normal" jobs, I was embarrassed to tell my friends that mine ran a small mom-and-pop store. Owning a family gallery meant I would walk my mom every Saturday from 9 am to 6 pm to help sell the pieces, fix broken furniture, clean, and help my dad load the truck. On Sundays I would drive 2 hours to [City] with my dad to bid on more vintage pieces at real estate auctions while my mom ran the shop.
And even though I moaned every time my mom woke me up on Sunday mornings to get ready, I came to enjoy the experience. I loved walking into the auction house with the droning, rhythmic tone of the auctioneer coming from the speakers, scanning the pieces for bids.
"They're going to be at least $400," my dad said, pointing to a pair of gorgeous Art Deco walnut nightstands from the 1940s and carefully removing the top drawer, which had the maker etched into the sides.
"Oh, Kittinger. This is a good company. Maybe they'll take a little more," he added.
And as I drank my Coke, I watched my father dig into the items and make mental notes of the price he would bid on. The more involved I became in our auction tours, the better I was able to predict the price of each piece, from mid-century dining sets to marble-topped kidney-shaped tables, depending on manufacturer and overall popularity. .
On Saturdays, I would obediently sit next to my father at the counter and listen to him detail the woodwork behind the 'bird's-eye' vanities for customers to admire the pieces in our showroom. I've often been busy fixing up furniture, like chipping the legs off a newly purchased Queen Anne embroidery chair. I would put some wood putty on it, sand it down, and lightly apply a wood stain to match the color.
I have been a frequent visitor to the shop and have learned about the gallery pieces, including the last painting you bought: is it an original by Martin Heade or a reproduction? You would also learn about the business turmoil that gripped Royal Copenhagen and resulted in the suspension of its iconic china, now worth several hundred dollars and resting peacefully in a display case in our store. In my sophomore year, I watched my father do inventory and bookkeeping. Fascinated, I learned about loans and accounts receivable and eventually started accounting this year where I learned business principles first hand.
In my first year in World Cultures, I learned about the kachina dolls that the Hopi used to bring rain. When I found out that one of my father's dealers also specialized in Native American pieces, I asked him to buy me a kachina doll. "Sure," he said, but he made me pay him back according to a plan...and I learned the hard truth about compound interest.
All of the treasures that house our store have a remarkable history, and each one piques my eternal curiosity about its economic history and cultural significance. Now that I am older, I am inspired by my father's desire to follow his entrepreneurial dreams and the constant support of my family. I was lucky enough to take the tour; However, as I approach the next stage of life, I aspire to be in the driver's seat and recruit friends to ride with me.
Common usage example for personal statements #4
Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It could be one you've already written, one that responds to another ad, or one you've designed yourself.
Common Use Case for Personal Pronouncements #4: Lessons from the In-N-Out Burger
“TAKE MASTERY OF SINGING!” a voice shouts. a voice screams.
As the terrible words rang in my ear, I froze in fear. By taking on The Corner's obsequious demeanor, I braced myself for confrontation and tedious last-minute changes to "ready" orders. Ultimately, the In-N-Out mantra stuck: the customer is always right. Yet as I fiddled with my headphones, I asked myself: why am I working here?
Then I remembered. Due to my family's poor financial situation, I could no longer afford the $3,500 tuition for a bioengineering program. Still, I refused to let this opportunity go to waste and took a job to pay the bills. It would require immense sacrifice and work, but the program would be rewarding and enrich my academic understanding.
A buzzer sounds in my earpiece, triggering a conditioned response.
"H-h-h-i, what can I get you?" stuttering
I wait nervously for an answer, but only the deafening roar of an engine resonates in my ears. He made fun of my stutter, evoking uncomfortable childhood memories, times when he struggled to socialize. Interacting with customers often felt daunting as they made fun of me and addressed me in condescending tones. Although I was overwhelmed by my anxiety reaction, my nightmare had only just begun...
An angry voice blares from my headphones: “ARE YOU DEAF? I want to…” But as the sound of his speeding vehicle reached my window, his voice cut off abruptly. Now face to face the tensions between us are mounting:
"ARE YOU THE IDIOT WHO ACCEPTED MY ORDER?"
"Sorry, it was hard for me to understand you," I reply embarrassed.
"Do it right, it's for my kids!"
My eyes then scan the back seat of his minivan and now I understand that the confusing order was not intended as a challenge to my competition but to his family. I gingerly take her order down again, this time nodding in acknowledgment of her children's allergies and yelling at the chefs. Her tone gradually brightens and her face relaxes. I politely suffice and offer paper hats and mattresses for the whole family. A smile appears on her face as she says a sincere "thank you" before leaving.
It was a small interaction that happened in a matter of minutes, but my thoughts stayed on his attack: Idiot. As he angrily blurted out "idiot", I took it as a personal attack. Desperately, I asked myself: How could it be so bad?
"He's just having a bad day," my colleague says.
And that's when it hit me: I was probably having a bad day. For the first time a complete stranger has called me an idiot; but no matter how incompetent a fast food worker he is, he would never have picked her. But this man, for no rational reason, had the anger and impatience to insult me. He didn't know why he acted the way he did, but nothing could change the actions or thoughts of others. All he could do was control my reaction and stop taking things personally.
So I avoided the situation. I no longer allowed harsh comments to fuel my long-standing insecurities and embraced an attitude that fostered empathy and included multiple backgrounds. And soon I began quelling clients' frustrations with compassion, hoping that warm demeanor would eventually emerge. Perhaps the acts of kindness, the gifts of paper hats and sleeping mats, lightened her attitude and made her day a little more positive.
Due to this experience, I now approach the world to first understand and then to be understood. The different opinions form a wide range of arguments, each with its strengths and weaknesses. And I welcome these differences as a good blend of thought rather than a divisive factor. With this attitude towards life, I will continue to build relationships with people of all cultures, political groups and religions. My work fostered not only personal growth, but also opportunities. The following summer, I moved into bioengineering labs and classrooms to learn about bioreactors, assays, and tissue engineering.
Common usage example for personal expressions #5
Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It could be one you've already written, one that responds to another ad, or one you've designed yourself.
Common Application Personal Statement Example #5: The Tortured Artist
The darkness of [City] envelops me as I examine every tree in sight to collect bark, a unique and daring material, to use in my artistic quest: to create a portrait of my community. Pleasant pine tones fill the air as I absently hum the song the school marching band is playing in the background. I forget everything around me and quickly fill my bag to the brim with bark.
As soon as I get home, I put music in my ears and close the blinds to drown out any distractions. I am focused on producing something new, impressive. Surely the barking I found in my neighborhood would be a strange twist on the message.
Without restraint, I created a rare birch and sycamore sculpture. While it definitely turned heads, I walked through the play with uncertainty. Has this accurately represented my church?
In my quest to build attention-grabbing works of art, the urge to search had receded into the background. I pulled out my ears and opened the curtains. As I walked back out the door, I was determined to take my neighborhood for above face value this time.
With this new lens, my neighborhood took on a whole new light. The soothing scent of pine now contrasted with the exhaust fumes from the reckless BMWs whizzing by; the music I once heard has been replaced by the cacophony of domestic strife. Meanwhile, my phone in my pocket was vibrating, filled with messages from miserable friends rambling about their problems.
As a newcomer to [City], all I'd ever seen was the determined front of excellence my community represented, complete with notions of cherry-pie-sending neighbors. This environment was a saturated image of perfection that my family and I aspired to fit into. We become like everyone else; perfectly execute our smile on our manicured lawn.
To capture this image of a forced mask of idealistic standards, I repositioned the bark sculpture and began thinking of a new idea for a portrait of my community. I used the inspirational potential of everyday objects and turned photoshopped model ads into a skin you could actually wear. The blank smiles on the faces of these models shared the pained expressions of those around me; it reflected my observations of how harmful it could be to constantly maintain the appearance of perfection.
This project marked one of the turning points in my artistic and personal development. Through years of art classes that emphasized the precision of pantomime, I took pride in breaking away from this restrictive technique by creating powerful works of art. Each new artistic adventure brought with it different materials: it was a statement of originality and experimentation. However, my firm determination to be bold required only superficial consideration; It created a protective shield in which my thoughts and ideas were filtered away from the possible rejection and judgment of my peers. Showing my thoughts and feelings through art required a certain vulnerability that I did not dare to explore.
I realized that this barrier, this fear of vulnerability and judgment in my creations, limited the impact I wanted my art to have. In a way, my neighborhood and the people around me matched my fears and reinforced the inauthenticity.
The facades we put up to accompany the Joneses prompted me to use the masks, my own work of art, as part of the final exhibition. This courage to be physically a part of the final screening motivated me to continue to push creative boundaries with innovative means; it kept me vulnerable by showing the unspoken aspects of my life.
I want to use artwork to not only illuminate the world around me, but also to evolve my interaction with art for real impact. Like my artistic transformation, I hope to inspire others to reveal their potential beyond their masks.
FAQs
What is a good personal statement for college application? ›
A good college personal statement must explain how your background relates to your university's program and your goals. It must put in context the tools, resources, and background you bring to the table and how they are aligned with your school's profile.
How do you answer prompt 5 Common App? ›The key to answering this prompt is clearly defining what it is that sparked your growth, and then describing this spark in detail, going into the nature of this growth and how it relates to your perception of yourself and others around you.
What is the topic for 2022 college applications essay? ›All 2022-23 Common App Essay Prompts
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
- Read the instructions carefully. ...
- Focus on yourself. ...
- Demonstrate your genuine interest and enthusiasm. ...
- Start early. ...
- Explain any discrepancies in your application in your personal statement. ...
- Review good sentence and paragraph structure. ...
- Use the active voice.
- From a young age…
- For as long as I can remember…
- I am applying for this course because…
- I have always been interested in…
- Throughout my life I have always enjoyed…
Try to avoid overly using words such as "also", "as well as", "additionally" and so on. These make your personal statement read more like a dispassionate list of things you've done rather than making it flow nicely.
What should you not say in a personal statement? ›- Telling a story. ...
- Repeating information already contained in your application. ...
- Spending too long discussing personal issues. ...
- Making simple grammatical errors. ...
- Failing to demonstrate capability of university-level study. ...
- Using clichés.
- Prompt #1: Share your story.
- Prompt #2: Learning from obstacles.
- Prompt #3: Challenging a belief.
- Prompt #4: Solving a problem.
- Prompt #5: Personal growth.
- Prompt #6: What captivates you?
- Prompt #7: Topic of your choice.
- Describe a person you admire.
Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you?
How do you start a personal growth essay? ›Starting with an anecdote and or a personal experience often works well. - A well-organized structure, including at least 3-4 paragraphs, along with a clear introduction and conclusion.
What do colleges want to hear in your essay? ›
Colleges look for three things in your admission essay: a unique perspective, strong writing, and an authentic voice. People in admissions often say that a great essay is one where it feels like the student is right there in the room, talking authentically to the admissions committee!
How do you sell yourself in a personal statement? ›Start with why you're the perfect fit for a place on your course. Mention the most important aspects of your relevant skills and experience early. Prove the points you've introduced – it's here you'd talk about your current and previous studies, your skills, and your work experience.
How do you start a personal essay example? ›How to Start a Personal Essay. Start your paper with a statement about your story, while at the same time catching the reader's attention by making use of a hook sentence. It may be a suitable quotation, definition, fact or even an intriguing question.
What should be included in a strong personal essay? ›There are a few main ingredients most successful personal essays include a compelling hook, engaging story, interesting characters, immersive setting, and meaningful point.
What is a strong personal statement? ›Your personal statement should help the reader get to know you and make them want to learn more. Write about your unique achievements, interests, experiences, qualities, or opinions. Avoid irrelevant or inappropriate topics—they won't make you memorable for the right reasons.
What is a strong opening sentence? ›Start with the chase. A good hook might also be a question or a claim—anything that will elicit an emotional response from a reader. Think about it this way: a good opening sentence is the thing you don't think you can say, but you still want to say. Like, “This book will change your life.”
What is a good opening sentence for an essay? ›Think of your first sentence as a hook that draws your reader in. As you have researched your topic, you have probably discovered many interesting anecdotes, quotes, or trivial facts; these make great hooks to use for an engaging introduction.
What are some good opening sentences? ›- The only way to ___.
- Would you rather have ___ or ___?
- There are two types of people, ___, and ___.
- The more you ___, the easier ___ gets.
- Do you think you understand how to ___? Here is why you're wrong.
- I always told myself that ___. ...
- Five years ago, I ___.
- ___ is the perfect way to ___.
The best personal statements should consist of achievements, transferable skills, and why you actually picked your chosen subject. Bethan explains how you can make your personal statement unique. by Bethan Morrell. 16 Nov 2021.
What do admissions officers look for in a personal statement? ›As part of the college application process, colleges ask prospective students for a personal essay in order to learn more about them. They want to see context on each student's background, positive traits that the student could bring to campus, and examples of the student demonstrating those qualities.
What are four things a personal essay should not include? ›
- Whining. Don't whine in your essay! ...
- Someone else is the hero. ...
- Reads like a resume. ...
- Lack of focus. ...
- Leaves out personal growth. ...
- Overcomplicated language. ...
- Incorrect grammar or spelling.
Your personal statement is a really important part of your application, and your chance to sell yourself to your chosen university. "Ultimately, a personal statement is a chance for you to convey why you would like to study a particular course, and how you hope this will benefit you in the future.
What should you not do in a personal essay? ›- Using essay to vent. ...
- Clearing your throat on the page. ...
- Writing long… ...
- Overlooking day-to-day life as essay fodder. ...
- Using lazy language. ...
- Being afraid of dialogue. ...
- Holding back. ...
- Taking rejection personally.
Describe your passion
So, tell them why you find it so fascinating. Talk about your motivation for and commitment to the subject by using evidence from your past experiences – work, academic or volunteering. Discuss any research or reading you've done into the subject, too, and why you've found it interesting.
- Telling a story. ...
- Repeating information already contained in your application. ...
- Spending too long discussing personal issues. ...
- Making simple grammatical errors. ...
- Failing to demonstrate capability of university-level study. ...
- Using clichés.
Personal statement structure
Put the most important information at the beginning of your personal statement (e.g. why you're applying for the role and what makes you suitable) Mention any skills and experience you have that are relevant to the job. Finish off with a summary of your professional goals.
For as long as I can remember… I am applying for this course because… I have always been interested in… Throughout my life I have always enjoyed…
What should be avoided on your essay? ›- Fail to address the question's topic in your introduction. ...
- Stray from the focus of the question (especially in the conclusion) ...
- Insert quotes without introducing them or relating them back to the topic. ...
- Fail to provide references. ...
- Use informal language, colloquialisms, or overuse rhetorical questions.
- Good Grades.
- Challenging High School Curriculum.
- Strong Standardized Test Scores.
- A Well-Written Essay.
- Extracurricular Participation and Leadership Skills.
- Diversity.
- Enthusiasm for the School.
- Letters of Recommendation.
Typically, applicants who have been admitted in Ivy League colleges boast excellent grades in academics (with a focus on certain subjects), in addition to having a track record of meaningful involvement in extracurricular activities, leadership skills, and well-crafted essays.
What are the top 4 things college admissions officers are looking for? ›
Basically, there are six main factors that college admissions officers consider: AP classes and challenging course loads, high school GPAs, SAT and ACT scores (unless they are test-optional), meaningful extracurricular activities, letters of recommendation, and your personal statement.