Best Examples of College Essays (2023)

One of the hardest things to write on your college application is the personal statement. The personal statement is the most abstract section of the form, containing little or no instructions on how to complete it, and is the most open-ended of all the sections. If you have trouble typing thoseadmission test, the best guide would be the essays of previously accepted students. They got into college, so their admissions essays must have worked, and there are blueprints for what colleges want in a candidate. You've achieved the success you want to emulate and can form the basis of your essay.

This article looks at the criteria that generally make a great personal statement and provides a great list of successful essays that have been accepted to a number of different institutions. By detailing these sample trials, this article examines why they were successful and how you can use these techniques yourself.

It included the common features of a successful college essay.

A clearly structured plan.

A clear, structured plan is the foundation of all good writing, and a college essay is no different. Sit down and think about the story you want to write. Write in bullets and expand from there.

Start small, then expand.

It's best to have a narrow, focused beginning to the essay. This gives you a solid foundation on which to build. This narrow focus is common and built into most successful applications. The author begins with a long story that describes an event, a person, or a place. These descriptions are usually image heavy. The fixture then extends from this base. Use that scene and connect it to the current situation, mood, or author's new understanding.

tell stories

These writers know how to tell stories. Very few of them relate to a single event. Most focus on mundane events that happen in everyday life. The trick is to stand out by telling the story in an interesting way. Let's take on the world's most mundane and daunting tasks: ironing. How would you build an interesting story around that? Would you heighten the drama by setting a strict deadline to meet, or by inventing an impossible fight against a tough shirt that needs you to be as flat as a pancake? Would you think about how you can present it in a fun and interesting way, like when your ironing board broke and you had to find clever ways to smooth your clothes by sitting on it, for example? For charity? Think about how you want to present yourself and what the essay says about your life. When reading sample essays, always review them with this in mind.

Connect them to the first sentence.

A killer first sentence will hook the reader right from the start. You have their attention and investment from the start. The stronger the phrase, the better. The best sentences serve as provocations to move the reader forward. So that they want to read what follows. Think of them as cliffhangers that present an exciting scene or bizarre situation with no logical conclusion. Here they areTwenty-Two of Stanford's Top Candidateshas to offer Don't want to know how they turned out?

find your voice

Writing is a method of communicating and building rapport with the reader. The reader, in this case, is an overworked, underpaid regulatory official who has to review thousands of essays every day. You need to aim for an interesting and fun statement that will make you stand out from the crowd and not bore your reader to death. You need to get their attention, and the best way to do that is by writing in your own voice. Use interesting and unique descriptions, describe the world as you see it, avoid clichés, idioms and frozen metaphors. When you read the essay, you might think, yes, that's me.

be technically correct

Your personal statement should be something you've worked on and appreciated. As such, it should read as if it had been corrected thousands of times. Make sure there are no spelling mistakes, grammar is correct, syntax is in order, and punctuation is used correctly. The best way to spot errors is to have someone else read your work. Ask your parents, teachers, mentors, and even your friends to proofread your work to get rid of those pesky commas. Universities recommend that others review your application as they know how difficult it is to spot errors.

Collections of published essays

Colleges regularly publish accepted samples and guide essays for students to use when writing their own college applications. Below are some links to some of the best essays we've found online. These articles are a great resource to use when creating your personal statement.

It is important to note that some of these statements may use indications that universities no longer accept. Here are some of themthe indications of the common application of the common applicationAnother great resource you can use:

General Call for Applications 2017-2018

1. Some students have such an important background, identity, interest, or talent that they feel their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, please share your story. [No change]

2. The Lessons We Learnedobstacles we encounteredcan be critical to future success. Tell me about a time when you faced aChallenge, setback or failure.How did it affect you and what did you learn from the experience? [Reviewed]

3. Think of a time whendisputedor challenged an original belief. What made you do this?Think? Erawas the result?[Reviewed]

4. Describe a problem you've solved or want to solve. It could be an intellectual challenge, a research question, an ethical dilemma, anything of personal importance, no matter how small. Explain what this means for you and what steps you have taken or could take to find a solution. [No change]

5. Discuss an achievement, event, orrealizationHeit triggered a period of personal growth and a new understanding of oneself and others.[Reviewed]

6.Describe a topic, idea or concept that you find so compelling that you lose track of time. Why does this fascinate you? Who or what do you contact if you want to know more?

[Neu]

7.Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It could be one you've already written, one that responds to another ad, or one you designed yourself.[Neu]

These questions are regularly updated or revised, so it's best to check out the current questions for yourself.

University of Carleton

• Three Admission Essay Examples for Carleton Students

University of Chicago

The University of Chicago is known for its strange and bizarre approach to adjuncts. Here is a collection of thoughtful answers to these questions.

• 7 Admission Essays That Meet University of Chicago Nominations

University of Connecticut

• 16 examples of personal testimonials from Connecticut students

hamilton university

• 8 Sample College Essays From Hamilton's Graduating Class of 2018

• 8 Sample College Essays From Hamilton's Graduating Class of 2012

• 8 Examples of Hamilton's 2007 Student College Essay

Johns Hopkins

These applications are responses to previous applications for both General Application and Universal Application, as John Hopkins accepts both.

• 5 Admission Essays That Worked for the Johns Hopkins Class of 2021

• 7 Admission Essays That Worked for the Johns Hopkins Class of 2020

• 8 Admission Essays That Worked for the Johns Hopkins Class of 2019

smith college

Smith College gives its applicants a 200-word essay message. Every message is different, and this collection of essays stems from the 2014 message: "Tell us about the best gift you've ever given or received."

• 6 Sample Responses to Requests Defined by Smith for the Class of 2018

tufts university

• 3 Common Personal Statements That Worked for Tufts Students

Tufts asks candidates to answer three short essay questions in addition to the general application essays. Two of these questions are required and the other is chosen from a list of quick questions.Here is the list of Writing Supplements for the Class of 2022.

And here are some previous responses to these written supplements.

• 6 Sample Essays Answering Why Students Choose Tufts University

• 5 Sample Essays to Respond to Tufts University's Let Your Life Speak Message

• 4 essays selected from the message list

If the school you're applying to isn't on the list above, don't despair. Check their website and see if they have published admissions essays for you to read and review.

How to analyze admission essays to support your personal statement

This section looks at two sample essays collected above so we can break them apart and examine the criteria that make a great college application essay. We will look at each case and examine what drives these judgments.

example one

A Johns Hopkins admissions essay by Stephen entitled "Breaking into Cars"

I had never been in a car before.

We were in Laredo, just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity construction site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left for a barbecue in Texas, leaving me with the college kids to clean up. It wasn't until we got stuck that we realized we couldn't get into the van.

Someone pulled a hanger out of the trash, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that with a hanger to open it up?"

"Because I?" I thought.

I tried it more for fun than optimism. I slid the coat hanger into the window seal like I'd seen on cop shows and spent a few minutes shaking the contraption inside the frame. Suddenly, two things clicked at once. One was the door lock. (Actually, I managed to turn it on.) The other was realizing that he had been in a situation like this before. In fact, I was born into this situation.

My upbringing drugged me into unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was noisy, chaotic and lacking in security. My brothers fighting, the dog barking, the phone ringing, it all meant my house was functioning normally. My father, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was at home, he had a parenting style reminiscent of a drill sergeant. At the age of nine I learned how to remove burnt oil from the surface of the water. My father considered it a vital skill, you know, if my carrier was torpedoed. "The water is on fire! Clean a hole!" he yelled, throwing me into the lake without warning. While I'm still not convinced of the practicality of this particular lesson, my father's overall message is unequivocally true: many things in life are unexpected and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living with my family, days rarely went as planned. A little forgetful, a little pressured, I learned to deal with reality, negotiate a quick deal and try the unlikely. I don't worry about the little things and I definitely don't expect perfect justice. What if our dining table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for wheelchairs, my home life has taught me how to deal with situations over which I have no control. I never controlled my older brothers growing up, but I learned to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances and realigned them as needed. Sometimes I was the poor helpless little brother; sometimes I was the oldest who knew everything. Different things for different people as the situation calls for it. I learned to adapt.

At the time, these techniques were just responses undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day that fall, Dr. Hicks, our director, asked a question he hoped all veterans would ponder throughout the year: "How can I get involved in a cause I don't govern in the company of people I don't govern?" to choose?"

The question took me by surprise, similar to the question I was asked in Laredo. Then I realized I knew the answer. I knew why they had given me the hanger.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a major player in something I didn't control, in the company of people I didn't choose. it's family, it's society. And often there is chaos. You participate by letting the little things go, not expecting order or perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and goodwill. My family experience has taught me to face a random world with confidence.

an amazing hook

"I've never been in a car before."

This has everything we talked about earlier in the hook section. He describes a scene: he's standing next to a car about to pull in, there's an air of danger and drama, he commits a rape, and then there's also a cliffhanger: how will this end, will he get caught?

strong images

“We were in Laredo, just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity construction site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left for a barbecue in Texas, leaving me with the college kids to clean up. It wasn't until we got stuck that we realized we couldn't get into the van.

Someone pulled a hanger out of the trash, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that with a hanger to open it up?"

"Because I?" I thought.

I tried it more for fun than optimism. I slid the hanger into the window seal like I'd seen it on cop shows and spent a few minutes shaking the contraption around within the frame."

Stephen uses extremely detailed language to build a visual scene that really brings this experience to life. You used specific language to provide details rather than using generic words; For example, we know that it's "Texas barbecue" that appeals to the reader's senses more than a more general term like "eat in" or "take out." We can smell the barbecue. The "author" describes how the "hanger" got out of a dumpster, making this more of a crime of opportunity than careful planning. Stephen also chooses strong verbs with strong connotations, creating a visual like "Jiggles". These strong words don't need adverbs, creating a concise, flowing sentence that's easy to read.

These details help us to represent the emotions of the people in the scene. Stephen picks up the hanger, and then that person takes a few steps back, showing that he is not only nervous, but also scared and looking for someone to take charge. Stephen also captures the tone of a teenager in the dialogue he has written. He grounds the piece in reality and makes it very easy to imagine and visualize it in your head.

Deep analysis of the situation.

“Suddenly, two things clicked at the same time. One was the door lock (I was actually able to open it). The other was realizing that I've been in a situation like this before. In fact, I was born into this kind of situation.”

Stephen demonstrates his inventiveness and ingenuity here in two ways. First of all, practically: his ingenuity led him to open the car door. Second, he demonstrates this through his clever use of "click," which plays on the word with two different meanings. In this playful way, he changes the situation from the narrow story to the broader and deeper aspects. The knowledge she gained from him. Your personal growth.

Justify abstract terms using concrete examples.

“My upbringing drugged me into unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was noisy, chaotic and lacking in security. My brothers were fighting, the dog was barking, the phone was ringing, it all meant my house was functioning normally.”

This section starts with the very abstract terms "unpredictability and chaos". ). ). Stephen clarifies what he means in the next sentence, which limits the amount of conclusions the reader can draw, providing a detailed visual scene of the chaos: 'Family of seven' and 'Brothers fighting, dogs barking, phone ringing'. The abstract terms that Stephen describes are easy to recognize.

Humor for the reader's entertainment

"My father, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had sergeant-like parenting style. When I was nine, I learned how to remove burnt oil from the surface of the water. My father my Dad considered it a vital skill, you know, in case my carrier was torpedoed.

Humor relaxes the reader and brings him closer to the story.Essay-Authorwhile providing details about the author's life. Learning to wipe burnt oil off the surface of water is not a skill most nine-year-olds need to know, and Stephen teases it with a flippant statement, "if my aircraft carrier is torpedoed." The mocking tone makes the reader realize that he agrees with the strict scenario and actually mocks it.

The "you know" is also very important as it makes the statement sound more like casual conversation but introduces colloquial phrases. Another thing to keep in mind is that this type of humor and wording in the statement is kept to a minimum and is only used on topics the reader might be uncomfortable with in order to put them at ease. The moderate amount of humor helps keep the prose meaningful and serious rather than frivolous.

Revealing about your own behavior.

"But one day that fall, Dr. Hicks, our principal, asked a question that he hoped all seniors would ponder over the course of the year: "How can I get involved in a cause I don't govern in the company of people I care about?" Ha fiz? don't vote?"

The question took me by surprise, similar to the question I was asked in Laredo. Then I realized I knew the answer. I knew why they had given me the hanger.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a major player in something I didn't control, in the company of people I didn't choose. it's family, it's society. And often there is chaos. You participate by letting the little things go, not expecting order or perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and goodwill. My family experience has taught me to face a random world with confidence."

Stephen ends his essay by reflecting on how his life has prepared him to face the future. Her father's parenting approach and the chaos of her home life have given her the skills she needs to thrive in an unpredictable world she can't control.

Stephen connects his past experiences with his current maturity through self-awareness. All great personal essays contain this key element. Maturity and self-awareness is something all colleges want from their candidates. They indicate that a student will be able to adjust to the independence required in university instruction and be responsible for his or her own life and actions.

How could this essay have been better?

No font is perfect. Most writers would happily revise for the rest of their lives if they had a deadline to meet. So what would you have done differently with this essay? What would you change to give that extra push?

cliche use of language

Stephen uses a lot of pre-made language in his writing such as common idioms and idioms, some examples are: “twists and turns” and “don't worry about the little things”. does the world describe how you see them? These blocking phrases counteract this, silencing the author's unique voice to just one in the crowd. This can make your typing boring and predictable when used en masse.

more examples

The essay shows how adaptable Stephen is to the situation and that he is not afraid to use his inventiveness to adapt to difficult situations and succeed. This is a great example and very well used.

Stephen also makes several claims later in his essay that he has not backed up with examples. Remember to make abstract statements concrete so the reader knows exactly what you mean. We wonder what he really meant when he said "he's different to different people". By giving us examples of this, we would have some context and a way to visualize and understand the roles you play.

example two

An Untitled Tufts University Admissions Essay by Bridget Collins

"I've always loved driving cars. After a long day in first class, I fell asleep with the engine purring in my mother's Honda Odyssey, even though it was only a 5-minute ride home. As I got older I climbed into the seat with the shotgun. looking out the window felt natural and comfortable. Seeing my world pass through this stained glass window makes me dream of what I could do with it.

I already knew my career in primary school: I'm going to be the emperor of the world. Sitting in the car and watching the miles go by, I developed the plan for my empire. I argued that for the world to run smoothly, it had to look presentable. I would hire people aptly called Fixer-Uppers to fix anything that needed fixing. The old man down the street with the peeling paint in his house would have a clean coat in no time. The kid who accidentally threw his Frisbee off the school roof was going to retrieve it. It would fill in the big hole on Elm Street that my mother passed every day on her way to school. It made perfect sense! Anyone without a job could be a repairman. I was like a ten year old FDR.

Seven years later, I still take a second look at the cracks in the sidewalks and think about the top of my repair, but now I'm doing it from the driver's seat. As much as I love it, I now accept that I'm not going to be emperor of the world and that tinkerers must remain in my driving fantasies. Or is it? I always pictured a fixer-upper as a smiling man in an orange T-shirt. Maybe a fixer could be a big girl with a deep love for Yankee Candles. Maybe it could be me.

Bridget the Fixer-Upper will be a little different from imaginary houses painting and looking for Frisbees. I was lucky enough to discover what I am passionate about when I was a freshman in high school. A self-proclaimed physicist. ed. addicted, I volunteered to help with adaptive physical education classes. On my first day, I learned that it's for students with developmental disabilities. To be honest, I was really nervous. I didn't have much contact with students with special needs before and I didn't know how to deal with them. Long story short, I was hooked. It's been three years since he helped out at APE and finally became a professor in the Applied Behavior Analysis summer program. I love working with students and seeing their progress.

When senior year rolled around, college meetings started and my guidance counselor asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't say emperor of the world. Instead, I told him I wanted to be a board-certified behavior analyst. A BCBA helps develop learning plans for students with autism and other disabilities. Basically, I would do what I love for the rest of my life. She laughed and told me it was a nice change for a 17 year old girl to know exactly what she wanted to do. I smiled, thanked him and left. But it dawned on me that even though I had my dream job lined up, my ultimate goal in life was still a fixer. So maybe I become Sue Storm and her alter ego, the invisible woman. During the day I do one thing and then I spend my free time helping people where I can. However, instead of flying like Sue, I opt for a high-performance car. My childhood self would appreciate that."

compare and contrast

If you compare Bridget's essay with Stephen's, the two approaches are very different. The main thing they have in common is that they use a language of life events to build an engaging and interesting narrative. And they are the two keys to any great essay.

A simple fluid structure.

The story told in the essay unfolds in chronographic order. Its durability over time is signed at the end of each paragraph:

• Paragraph 1: "after a long day in first class"
• Paragraph 2: "in elementary school"
• Paragraph 3: "in seven years"
• Paragraph 4: "When I was a freshman in high school"
• Paragraph 5: “when the last year arrives”

This fluid natural structure allows the reader to know when it's them and understand the narrative with simplicity and ease.A core concept and theme“I would hire people aptly called Fixer-Uppers to fix anything that needed fixing. The old man down the street with the peeling paint in his house would have a clean coat in no time. The kid who accidentally threw his Frisbee off the school roof was going to retrieve it.

[...]

Seven years later, I still take a second look at the cracks in the sidewalks and think about the top of my repair, but now I'm doing it from the driver's seat. As much as I love it, I now accept that I'm not going to be emperor of the world and that tinkerers must remain in my driving fantasies. Or is it? I always pictured a fixer-upper as a smiling man in an orange T-shirt. Maybe a fixer could be a big girl with a deep love for Yankee Candles. Maybe it could be me.

[…]

I wanted to be a certified behavior analyst. A BCBA helps develop learning plans for students with autism and other disabilities. Basically, I would do what I love for the rest of my life. She laughed and told me it was a nice change for a seventeen year old girl to know exactly what she wanted to do. I smiled, thanked him and left. But I realized that even though my dream job was set, my true purpose in life was still a top tinkerer." The way Bridget takes an idea she had as a child and turns it into a metaphor for her future desires makes this essay from recording an entertainment read. This metaphor is not only clear, but demonstrates self-awareness. She knows what she wants to be as she always knew since childhood. She wants to make a difference in the community and in the life of the community, solving her problems individually.a unique voiceBridget uses techniques that build rapport with the reader. As the story progresses, we get to know them and their perspective on the world. She becomes someone we like and think is real. There are three main techniques:

• Humor

Bridget mocks herself and her childish ideas about the world. This underscores her growing maturity as he begins to understand how simple his childhood dream was and how complex the world really is. Not only is she mature enough to realize that, but she's also not giving up on that dream, but just redefining it in a way that makes sense and stays true to her vision. The fact that she is able to see the funny side shows that she is outgoing and adaptable.

"Even in primary school I knew what my career was: I will be emperor of the world."

"Anybody who didn't have a job could be a repairman. He was like a 10-year-old FDR."

• embossed words

Bridget creates her own terminology and uses it throughout the essay. Using terms like "fixers" instead of something more generic like helpers or assistants creates a unique voice and style that sets them apart from the crowd. It also makes more sense the idea of ​​fixing something that was broken in her eyes, which would more generally be lost. These terms give us a better view of how Bridget perceives the world and allow us to understand Bridget's actions towards it. These children's terms are charming and iconic. These terms are at the heart of the essay, giving it its key concept and holding its theme together.

• Syntax

Bridget changes the structure, length and syntax of a sentence. Most of the essay uses standard English and English grammar. By doing something unorthodox with language, Bridget draws the reader's attention to her story.

"The big hole on Elm Street that my mother got into every day on her way to school would be filled. It made perfect sense! Anyone who didn't have a job could be a fixer. He was like a 10-year-old FDR."

Here she recounts the thoughts she had as a child. She changes her style with the unexpected one-liner, "It made perfect sense!" This is to reflect that this realization was sudden, and suggests that it was a rationalization she made at the time. The use of the exclamation point gives the phrase that eureka moment.

"As much as I love it, I now accept that I'm not going to be emperor of the world and that repairmen should follow my ideas about driving." Or is it?

A similar change in sentence length is used when you start talking about your current aspirations. Bridget inserts a short question: "Or they?" in the narration. This underlines his doubts or how he tries to reconcile his childhood aspirations with the world of adults. It underscores her determination and inventiveness to find a way to fulfill her desire to be a tinkerer. "Maybe the person who needs fixing could be a big girl with a deep love for Yankee Candles. Maybe it could be me." This is the first time the metaphor has been attributed directly to Bridget. Here's the comparison between a "fixer" who fixes the world's physical problems and assigned directly to the disability specialist. This key concept is emphasized by parallel sentence structure, a rhetorical device often used in literature to create connections between text segments and set accents.

“To be honest, I was really nervous. I didn't have much contact with students with special needs before and I didn't know how to deal with them. In short, I was hooked.

A short sentence is used to create the emotional resolution of the admissions essay. This is where Bridget goes from nervousness about helping students with disabilities to addiction. The short line “Simply put, I've been hooked” robs you of a lot of potential for a cheesy cliché moment. The slang also emphasizes this area of ​​the letter. Thus, by changing the sentence structure, Bridget emphasizes her feelings and draws attention to her personality and emotional drive. This gives the entrance essay a fantastic and unique voice.

How could this essay have been better?

While Bridget's essay is extremely well written, there are still a few tweaks that could make it better.

the car connection

Bridget begins her essay by talking about her love of road trips, but that doesn't seem to have much to do with the essay, which revolves around the idea of ​​"tinkerers". Furthermore, the car does not seem to be related to the idea of ​​working with disabled children. To make the hook work better, Bridget had to explain why cars were more associated with the idea, or perhaps she dropped the subject of cars and used the space for something more relevant.

Please provide more details about the teaching experience.

The heart of the essay is this experience, which gave him the confidence and knowledge he wanted to help put the world in order. However, in the essay, Bridget explains what it was about the experience that made her feel that way and what the experience actually entailed. Where she may have impressed the admissions officer with her motivation or understanding of the satisfaction she gained from her experience, she says, "Simply put," which makes one wonder: what exactly did she enjoy? What exactly wash experience here?

Tips for writing your own essay

Want to know how this feature and old letter cache can enhance your own admissions essay? Here are some ideas on how to use the information provided here.

• Analyze the other essays for yourself.

Here is a list of questions to help you analyze and reflect on the other essays we have collected. As you learn to dissect and criticize things, you will also learn to write better statements.

checklist questions

• Examine the opening sentence and explain why it works so well. How does it captivate you and make you want to keep reading?

• How does the author describe the anecdote? What senses does the author use to convey the story? Do these sensual descriptions make the story visible?

• Where does the narrow anecdote expand into the author's broader perspective? How does the author connect the limited experience with the big picture? And what quality, trait, or skill does the anecdote emphasize, and how?

• What is the tone of the essay? And how is this sound created? It's fun? If so, where does the humor come from? Is it sad and touching? Can you find the pictures that describe this feeling? How does the choice of words contribute to the tone of the piece?

• How would you improve writing? Something missing? Is the voice unique? If they asked you for advice, what would you advise?

• find the moment

These essays are based on creating an emotional connection with the reader through the author's detailed description of a scene from his life. It doesn't matter if it's a dramatic scene or part of everyday life; it should be personal and insightful about you. You must let your individuality shine through, and the reader must see it.

• Edit, edit and edit again

  (Video) 3 College Essays That WORK (and don't suck!): OWN The Common Application Essay

It may sound strange, but writing is not writing, it's more about editing. The best texts only come out after something has been rewritten a few thousand times. Therefore, it's best to start writing your admission notices as soon as possible. I recommend that you complete your first draft a few months before the eligibility deadline. That way, you have time to share it, get feedback, and rewrite it.

The best advice when you're editing something is to put it away in a drawer for a few days, just forget about it and come back to it with a fresh look. Read it and use the checklist above to dissect and analyze it as if it were someone else's work. Is there anything that is not necessary? Is there anything that is needed? Is there something that is in the wrong place? Everything makes sense? Are the words strong? it's your voice there Edit, save for a few days and repeat the cycle.